There are too many things on my mind. I'm picking at every little detail to every little thing about you and me, or whatever the hell we were. I'll still never understand what went down between us, but what I do know is that it has affected me in a way that no one else could.
We don't speak to each other anymore, and if we do, it's awkward. A hello and a hug, and we go about the night as if we are strangers. It's funny how that turns out - how someone, at a point, who is so important to you can in an instant become someone you can't carry a conversation with beyond hello.
I absolutely hate it. I hate pretending not to care. I hate bumping into you and pretending I'm not watching you from the corner of my eye. I hate pretending that I never told you things I've never told anyone else. I hate that, now, we have a lot of the same friends, so the likelihood of me seeing you is a lot higher than before. I hate that I wonder what you're thinking, if you're even thinking of me at all. I hate randomly waking up at 3am hoping that you've called. I hate hoping that you'll come visit me at work like you always used to do. I hate passing by or going to places that remind me of you. I hate anything that reminds me of you, period. Hell, things that don't remind me of you even keep me thinking of you. You're like this irritating itch I can't get rid of. You're steadily in the back of my mind, even when I'm occupied doing something else.
Crazily obsessed much? I know, it's embarrassing, but fuck it.
I lack the courage and have too much pride to ask you all of the questions I've been fixating on for the past month. Did you just wake up one day and realize you lost interest? Did you even care for me at all? Was I the one who fucked up? Was I too bitchy? What did I ever do to you? How could you act as if this meant nothing? I don't know, maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was in my own little world. Who knows? I'll never know, because I'll never get my closure.
I still wonder if you'll call me someday. You always seem to surprise me. Just when I think I'm about to get over it, you walk in. I wish I could burn my bridge with you, but I can't. What the fuck is wrong with me?
